There are crumbs in my bed.
It’s really annoying. I keep trying to figure out why there are crumbs. I suspect I have started looking like a psycho lady springing up at random moments swatting at random spots in the pile of white cotton fluff that decks my bed while shrieking, “WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?”
I do not recall previously experiencing this phenomena. I was tempted to blame it on my husband (okay, I might actually have gone ahead and blamed it on my husband) because, hey, there were no crumbs before, and there was no husband before. Obviously. Husband.
However, the husband WAS present a fairly good amount of time before the crumbs, so I suspected my deduction in this case to be…faulty.
I think I figured it out this morning, though.
I woke up at 4:30 this morning…wait, I WAS AWAKE at 4:30 this morning, I don’t know what time I woke up, I just know I was already awake when the alarm went off for my aforementioned, long-suffering husband. I felt positively ill. That is not an unusual occurence for the mornings in my recent experience. The tricky part is finding a solution to this Illness Which Does NOT Confine Itself to Mornings, HA. The trickiness of the solution lies in the fact that it varies based on the day/hour/current energy level/previous night’s dinner/food sources available/possible surrounding smells, etc. This morning, part of the solution was to eat Triscuits.
You know what Triscuits have?
Wait for it…
Like, a lot, you guys.
I challenge you to eat an entire Triscuit. You can’t. You really just can’t, because Triscuits are so full of crumbs (as if they were, like, genetically engineered that way, in case that’s a thing) you literally cannot get the entire thing in its entirety into your digestive system no matter how careful you are especially not if you are half asleep and possibly ill and around you there are SO MANY SMELLS OF ALL THE THINGS EVER and probably if you eat a Triscuit at 4:30AM or any other hour of o’dark’thirty or even during the day probably there will be crumbs around you in all the places ESPECIALLY…
In. My. bed.
I therefore conclude conclusively that there are crumbs in my bed because I’ve been eating in my sleep.
I really don’t have much proof for that, since I don’t actually remember it or have it on Candid Camera (creepy) or anything like that, but in all honesty it makes more sense than the husband theory.
I was going to write an amusing and helpful post about “Things Which Help You Not Be Sick If You Are Pregnant, At Least For Me They Work” but this Triscuit business distracted me, so…Priorities.
If I remember.
Oooh, look! TRISCUITS.
I love Triscuits. Triscuits are Great. They are a Thing Which Help You Not Be Sick If You Are Pregnant, At Least For Me They Work, maybe they would for you. If you’re pregnant. Which, maybe you are, I have like twelve pregnant friends right now who might be reading this. I have a list of those things. Things Which Help You Not Be Sick, not my twelve pregnant friends. I have a list of them too. I love lists. I should write a post about that sometime. The Not Sick Things, not the friends. Or the lists…or maybe the friends.